You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
