New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
