my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
