you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
