I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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