this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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