My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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