billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
