You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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