You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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