last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize