just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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