You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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