Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
FUCK WHALES
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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