There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
