So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
