Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
