then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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