my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
