Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!