I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf