I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
