I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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