I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
