LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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