I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
