Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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