I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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