just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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