Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am spending my child support on dildos
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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