You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
