Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
