You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
