That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
