Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
