Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
how does that bad decision feel?
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