She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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