There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Drake has all the answers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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