Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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