Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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