is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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