Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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