Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
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I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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