i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
