make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
