need another drink. this is the easiest way
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
