You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
