Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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