i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
