Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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