and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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