I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
