The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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