the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
