Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
