Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
