She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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