The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
