I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
