wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
