Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
