Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
