Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
