I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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