I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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