I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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