"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize