Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out

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(707): View more from California

I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.

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(310): View more from California

I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"

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(443): View more from Maryland

shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

wrong number but thanks

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(417): View more from Missouri

I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line

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(708): View more from Illinois

He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain

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(703): View more from Virginia

of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.

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(386): View more from Florida

Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.

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