I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
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Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.