I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.