her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!