i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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