i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
