I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
