My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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