just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
