Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
