remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
