I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
