She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
