I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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