I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We left an ass print on the piano.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
